The Language of Love

Celebrating 32 Years of Making Love Easy

The Language of Love: Celebrating 32 Years

This Saturday marked 32 years of being together with my wife, Hannah, and as we reflect on this journey, it’s clear that we started with a pretty solid foundation. We had both been married before, and those experiences taught us a lot about the natural mistakes people make. We also invested in some exceptional therapy early on, which gave us a strong, constructive relationship for the first five years of our marriage. Even so, like most couples, we faced tension and arguments that sometimes ended with one of us walking out of the room (usually me), agreeing to disagree, or wishing for more consistent harmony.

Back then, when conflict arose, our instinct—like so many others—was to turn away from each other. We’d take breaks to “process our feelings,” hoping that space would resolve the tension. But in reality, even with all our relationship and communication skills, we limited ourselves and our potential because we didn’t know what we didn’t know.

Discovering a New Way to Relate

All of this changed when we learned what was then called “Percept Language” and what we now call S.A.G.E. About five years into our marriage, we met John and Joyce Weir, the creators of Percept Language. At the time, they were 85 years old and hosting their last retreat. We attended, drawn by curiosity, and left transformed. Over the next six years, we studied with them, diving deeper into their model and eventually teaching it under their supervision.

I don’t want to oversimplify this, but it felt almost like flipping a switch—shifting from one way of relating to an entirely new way. We moved from feeling tense and conflicted at times to feeling curious and connected. Instead of blaming each other when things got hard, we started noticing when we were projecting our feelings or assumptions onto each other. We didn’t completely stop doing it, but we learned to recognize when it happened and quickly “redo” ourselves. That awareness made a huge difference—it took the emotional charge out of our disagreements and made room for curiosity instead of defensiveness.

Seeing the Absurdity—and Finding the Humor

Once we recognized this pattern, it became almost comical—yet also a bit sad—to see how easily people (including us) could fall into old habits of dismissing or disregarding our partner. But somehow, we learned to laugh at ourselves when we saw how we were getting in the way of our own love.

It still astonishes me when I see couples who interrupt each other, unnecessarily correct one another, or communicate in ways that lack kindness and respect. We had the benefit of learning a new way to relate, a new way to communicate that encouraged us to turn toward each other rather than away during challenging times. The more we practiced this way of relating, the more relaxed we became, the more connected we felt, and the more we grew individually and as a couple.

Love Can Be Easy

We’ve demonstrated that love can be easy and that intimate relationships can be free of struggle. By using subjective language (or Percept), we stay present and avoid getting lost in stories about who did what or who said what. We also recognize that we aren’t dealing with any fixed reality—everything is open to interpretation—and that realization feels incredibly liberating. While it can be disorienting at first, it ultimately becomes transformative.

The change S.A.G.E. brings about isn’t like putting on glasses to see more clearly—it’s like seeing in color for the first time. It’s not just improving perception; it’s radically changing how we experience love and connection.

Sharing the S.A.G.E. Blueprint

In the coming month, we will be releasing what we call the S.A.G.E. Blueprint. Rather than writing a 300-page book, we’ve distilled the essence of this work into a 30-page blueprint. We believe that in an age of information overload, people want the essence—something practical and direct. We’ll be sharing this blueprint with small groups of around 20 people at a time, allowing us to be responsive to questions, and based on your responses, we’ll update the blueprint.

If you’d like to be among the first to receive the S.A.G.E. Blueprint, please fill out the form below. We’ll make sure you’re notified when it’s ready.

Sign Up For The S.A.G.E. Blueprint

One Thing to Try This Week

Notice how you react to your partner or friends when it feels like they’re telling you about yourself—defining who you are or how you feel. It’s so easy to get caught up in the confusion between what’s theirs and what’s yours. This confusion fuels so much conflict and misunderstanding. S.A.G.E. offers a way to break free from this common trap by helping us recognize that others aren’t telling us about who we are—they’re telling us about how they see the world.

If you’re curious about how to start shifting your relationship dynamics, try this: Consider that your partner or best friend is never actually telling you about you. This might feel counterintuitive because of how people use language, but give it a try. Imagine how different your relationship would feel if you approached every interaction with this mindset. Notice how it changes your reactions and opens up space for curiosity rather than defensiveness.

In Closing

If you’re in a relationship—new or decades old—know that there’s a more effortless and radically different way of living and loving. Turning toward each other instead of away and being S.A.G.E. can change everything. Love can be easy, and intimacy doesn’t have to be a struggle. We’ve lived it for 32 years and look forward to sharing it with you.